Day 80

Style: Personal Sequence
Teacher: Self
Studio: Home Practice

I’m staying in again. It’s strange really. Over the weekend I was practicing in a room with hundreds of yogis, a multitude of different people from different places and I loved every second of it. The last few days are in stark contrast. I’ve been developing my practice alone, deeply enjoying solitude, basking in my own company, my own energy. The two different methods are both utterly charming once you’ve grown to appreciate them. The energy of a group environment is always different. It’s fun, interactive, colorful and energizing. You can really feel the vibrations emanating from the people around you, helping to carry you through the motions in a shared consciousness. Practicing alone, you practice in the void. The only energy in the room is coming from inside. The Universe slows its pace, the planets and stars line up and everything fits just right. You move in and out of the positions on your own accord, cast under your own spell. Each style is decidedly different one from the other and I’ve fallen in love with them both. Now that I’ve put in work from both angles, developed my practice from both magnetic poles, I can feel my understanding of yoga taking on a new form. It’s even more uniquely mine. If you’ve never tried falling into savasana after a long, intense sequence, all in the seclusion of your own world, I suggest you try it. I have the experience of a total let-go, a full release. My mind disintegrates and fazes out, and there is no time limit on the journey. It returns when it feels ready, and when it does, it returns more thoroughly refreshed and revitalized then ever before.

Day 79

Style: Personal Sequence
Teacher: Self
Studio: Home Practice

Just one of those days. Some days I feel powerful, some days I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes I look at the world and witness its sheer beauty, sometimes I can't see past the damage we've done, how badly we've abused our Mother. Today I'm walking the thin line dividing the extremes, precariously balancing. I'm tired. The gears of society continue to rotate, but today I hear them grinding in my brain. It hurts. People wander through their lives caught up in their daily routine so unquestioningly, never looking up. Sometimes I just don't want to play along anymore. I'm on a pilgrimage of which there is no turning back, sometimes the aching in my feet is unbearable. Over the years I've been wounded, I've been healed. In alternating spirals it comes and goes and I try not to let the scar tissue build up. There's something missing in the world outside. A lack of substance, a lack of sustenance, a lack of nutrition. Something doesn't feel quite right and it's hard to put my finger on it. Sometimes I wonder if other people feel it, other times I wonder if I'm on this walk alone. The repetition is deafening and I wonder if I'm the only one who hears it. It's a ringing in my ears that I can't ignore, demanding my attention. False flags are raised and it's all an inside job.

Tonight I was going to practice in a studio but all I want to do is hide and lock the world out. Tonight I'll try to recuperate alone. I'll ask my body what it wants then let it take the lead. I'll do my best to follow. Sometimes the weight is unbearable and fatigue is too much, but it's hard to fall back to sleep after you've started to wake up.

Day 78

Style: Personal Sequence
Teacher: Self
Studio: Home Practice

I'm completely physically and mentally exhausted, but at the same time I feel incredibly refreshed and awake. Sitting in the Austin airport waiting for my boarding call, my mind is too tired to begin the process of reflecting back over the weekend. The experience is still sinking in, still materializing. Instead, I'm nowhere but the present moment, allowing life to flow by with no input from me whatsoever.

Waking up and rolling out of bed a few hours earlier, I thought Ichih might have to roll me out of the hotel in a wheelchair. I'm stiff, sore and depleted, every square inch of my body crying out, demanding to know just what exactly I did to it over the past two days. I tell it not to worry, that it was for its own good, and I can sense it reluctantly agreeing with me. When my plane lands in Ottawa later tonight, I'll end things the same way they began, taking myself through a few therapeutic Yin poses before bed. I'm definitely ready to relax. As I lift my pen from the paper, I hear the announcement for my flight from the speakers overhead. Closing my journal and throwing my bag over my shoulder, I'm back in line, minutes away from traveling back up into the sky.

Day 77

Style: Power Vinyasa
Teacher: Baron Baptiste
Studio: Renaissance Hotel Austin

Day two. Arriving back into physical reality, emerging from a series of abstract dreams, I'm ready for another round of Baptiste yoga. Yesterday ended with another asana practice, this time moving further into precise detail. We were instructed to team up with a partner. Of the hundreds of yogis from all over the continent, I matched up with Tomomi Kojima, a Japanese-Canadian who teaches yoga in Halifax. Together we practiced the subtleties of the poses, assisting in different modifications and adjustments. We worked on different ways to enter into handstands which was both terrifying and unbelievably exciting.

Today was another blend of intensive practice and thorough self-discovery. The feelings of resistance shifted even more today and I felt myself totally let go, completely dropping my guard and all my barriers of control and protection. I gave myself over to the process, digging as thoroughly as I could. I felt myself enter into total surrender. Breaking down my patterns and repetitions, habits and compulsions, I knew that I was opening up more then ever. A decision was solidified deep inside. I'm an open book. The world is free to dissect me if it feels like it. I came to a new realization, a new understanding. All I need to do in life is to be real, to be honest, and in doing that it gives people around me permission to be real. I experienced an explosion from my heart, a buzzing up and down my spine as I let go of all my defences. Gandhi said that his life was his message and that struck a heavy cord with me. I have to embody the change I want to see, to tap into my internal capability and unleash my full potential.

As the day went on we found new partners, expanding on the detail of the day before. Today I met Mary-Lyn Jenkins, a yoga teacher from Jacksonville Florida. Together we exchanged advice and insight, exploring postures as well as our writing, sharing our experiences, our dreams and the intentions we were developing for our life experiences. As the day progressed I heard from many other people from all over, each sharing their stories with the audience, letting us see into their own lives, their own unique perspectives. The day ended with another Power Vinyasa flow, forcing me to work when I thought I couldn't take any more. This weekend has really shown me my own ability, that I can continue and persevere even when I'm on the verge of giving up.

The weekend was about so much. It was about tapping into my true potential and moving with it to manifest the life I want to experience. It was about unlocking the source within, taking my reality to new levels and higher echelons. Confidence and capability dwell inside me in great abundance and the time is now to let it shine. It is truly real, truly inherent, ready to burst out and take over. I understand now that anything I desire is within reach, anything at all.

If not now, then when?

Day 76

Style: Power Vinyasa
Teacher: Baron Baptiste
Studio: Renaissance Hotel Austin

I made it. Waking up in my hotel room, my mind takes a few minutes to recalibrate and figure out where exactly I am. The warm Sun is shining in through the windows, welcoming me to the south. Soon I'm showered and awake, heading for the elevators to take me down to the massive conference room where the workshop is being held. Through the glass windows I can see hundreds of yogis bustling about, registering and chatting, looking like a colorful ocean of lululemon.

Last night was my first introduction to Baron. After meeting up with Ichih and having lunch outside in the warm weather, we made our way back to the hotel and took our seats. The room soon filled up with over 300 yogis. After taking the stage and introducing himself to the enthusiastic crowd, Baron described the weekend's schedule. Eventually he asked if anyone wanted to introduce themselves and share a bit of their personal story with the group, and I felt myself tense up with anticipation. No thanks. After a few people took to the microphone and spoke, we made our way into some personal revolution self-study type exercises, writing down what we wanted to get out of the weekend. The more he spoke the more I started seeing him in a new light. He's just a regular human being like anyone else and I felt myself more able to relate.

Today we're back in the vast room, all chairs replaced with a sea of yoga mats. I'm not sure what I had expected, but the practice ended up being a three-hour, intensely physical Power Vinyasa extravaganza. About a quarter way into it I felt my arms shaking, struggling to maintain the positions, when suddenly a familiar voice that I hadn't heard in a long time began to speak. The voice came from inside my mind and began to tell me that I was in way over my head. That I had bit off more then I could chew. That I wasn't going to be able to keep up. This discouraging voice used to turn up now and then when postures were getting pretty physically intense, but as the days have piled up I've been very good at silencing it, eventually turning it off altogether. Now it was back in full force, letting me know that my strength wouldn't be enough to get me through. Drenched with sweat and feeling my energy about to run out, I started to wonder if it was right. Was I really in the deep end, struggling to stay afloat? Closing my eyes and cursing it to leave me alone, I continued through the brutal sequence. Eventually I was hit with a second wind, then a third, then a fourth, and by the time it ended I was on my back in final savasana, still alive. My body, completely buzzing with electricity, had not let me down.

Coming back after lunch and resting down onto my mat, Baron led the huge group through more self-study. From my perspective, I enjoyed the way he explained the ancient teachings in a modern context, using simple and easy to understand language. He discussed the doors of perception, the power of interpretation, the way we look at the world through our own constructed lenses and filters. We talked about tapping into our Source energy, the value of the student-teacher relationship and co-creation. We discussed his past, studying with Iyengar in the late 1970's, his relationship with his yogi parents and much more. He quoted many of history's great thinkers like Socrates, Aristotle, the Buddha, Jesus, Martin Luther King, Gandhi and others, drawing insight from different cultures and different time-frames all over the world.

Eventually we came to the point where we were invited to come up to the mic to share what the practice of yoga has personally given us and I felt myself tense up with resistance yet again. This time however, something changed. I felt the floodgates break and I let it rush in. Before my mind could accept the horror of what I was about to do, I walked up to the microphone. Looking out at the crowd, hundreds of faces looking back at me, I felt my mind go blank. Taking a deep breath and swallowing my fear, I spoke, hearing my voice echoing out of the massive speakers.

The practice of yoga has given me a lot, almost more then I can describe. I've developed an inner awareness, a growing knowledge of self. I've cultivated an inner and outer strength, a stability and confidence that I never knew was possible. I feel an internal determination growing and expanding, filling me with the understanding that I can achieve anything that I believe in. Everyday I feel more compassion. Compassion for myself, for my body, for my life, as well as a compassion for the world around me. I feel myself more accepting of the people in my life, less willing to judge and reprimand them. I'm more grounded in the Now, more present in every waking moment. I feel the beginnings of an inner peace, a calm that is hard to put words to, and for that I will be forever grateful.

Day 75

Style: Personal Sequence
Teacher: Self
Studio: Home Practice

The Sun is rising and I'm piercing through the clouds to meet it. Waking up early in the morning, gathering my luggage and blending up a smoothie of fresh fruit and almond milk, I go over some last minute organization. After making sure my passport, IDs, American currency and other necessary items are all in order, I quietly unroll my yoga mat. Moving through a few sublime Yin poses in the silence of the early hours I gather my chemistry and neurology into alignment. As I finish my self-choreographed sequence, I roll my mat back into its bag as my taxi pulls up in front of my house.

Sailing across the deserted city streets, my mind pre-paves the upcoming weekend. I have no doubt a pleasant experience awaits me and I feel myself starting to relax into it. At the airport I flow uneventfully through various checkpoints and customs, receiving boarding passes and instructions. Moments later I am preparing for take-off, beginning the drive to our runway. Soon the small plane will be suspended in the vast blue bubble above. With a cross-over in Chicago, eventually I'll be arriving at my final destination of Austin, Texas, settling in to the hotel that I'll be calling home for the weekend. Looking out the small window at the shrinking cityscape I can feel my eyes getting heavy, and soon the calming hum of the engines lull my consciousness to sleep. When I wake up I'll be in another time and place, maybe even another person altogether.

Day 74

Style: Ashtanga
Teacher: Michael Dynie
Studio: Rama Lotus

I'm going to Texas. I've never been, but tomorrow morning I'm scheduled to be on a flight to Austin. One of my yoga instructors, Ichih, is going to a workshop with her mentor, Baron Baptiste. A few weeks ago she told me about her trip and invited me to join. One of my favorite authors, Kurt Vonnegut, has a quote that came to mind: "Unexpected Travel Plans are dancing lessons from God." Not long ago I put out the intention that I was ready to do some international yoga travel, and the opportunity seems to have found me. In turn I've decided to accept. After all, who am I not to tie up my dancing shoes after an invitation from on high?

I don't know all that much about Mr. Baptiste. I do know that I am a huge fan of Power Vinyasa and Ichih's teaching style. I also know that Baron is very, very successful in the world of yoga, even considered a celebrity in some circles. While the notion of a celebri-yogi is a bit off-putting, Ichih holds him in high regard and that says a lot to me. I have nothing if not an open mind, and I told the Universe that I was ready for an adventure. I'm always prepared for a new experience. Getting into bed and setting my alarm for an early departure, I feel a tingling blend of excitement and nervous energy coursing through my body. I truly have no idea what to expect. Getting off the phone after scheduling a cab to pick me up at 5 am, I can't seem to fall asleep. My mind is reeling in anticipation. In a few short hours I'll be out of the country, headed deep into the southern United States. There is one thing I know for sure. I'm ready.

Day 73

Style: Personal Sequence
Teacher: Self
Studio: Rama Lotus

And now for something completely different. Through a string of random coincidences I met Shawna, a friend of one of my instructors, Todd Lavictoire. She told me that she has a personal practice space at Rama Lotus on Wednesdays and she invited me to come join. She also happens to be a huge hip-hop fan and has her own customized playlist she likes to practice with. Waking up to a frigid morning in Montreal and brushing the snow off my car, I'm back on the highway once again, heading back to Ottawa. Arriving at Rama, I end up bumping into Todd, and the three of us make our way up to the Sky room.

In my last two teacher training weekends, Mark continued to emphasize the importance of a personal practice. At first it was a huge challenge to even unroll my mat outside of the group-class atmosphere. The reason it's so important is that, when it really comes down to it, the purpose of yoga is to embark on an internal journey, delving deep into your own consciousness and cultivating a comfort with that inner world. In a class setting, your attention is constantly bouncing from the inside to the outer-world, listening to the voice of your instructor as he explains the cues for the postures. Over the course of this challenge, I've been making a point of practicing at home more and more, following the choreography of various yoga DVDs. Now that I've been successful in that arena, there is another truth I've been completely avoiding. Practicing with a DVD, even though I'm alone with my mat, my attention is still focused outside myself as I follow the path the digital yogi sets out before me. My awareness is still drawn away. The thought of just unrolling my mat and facing a blank canvas, leading myself through a sequence I personally tailored is a leap I haven't wanted to make.

Today is my first step. Up in the Sky room, Shawna starts up the CD player and the three of us unroll our mats, entering into our own private domains for the next hour. Standing at the edge of my mat in Tadasana, my mind goes blank. I know that yoga poses exist, I know I've personally done quite a few myself, but right now I can't remember any of them for the life of me. Taking a deep breath, I start the only way I can - with some Sun salutations. Moving through the postures at my own pace, my own rhythm, I find myself slowly gaining an internal balance. Next I move into a Warrior sequence. After each set of postures I complete, I ask my body-consciousness what it would like to do next. Whatever position makes itself known to me, that's what I do. Over the weekend I remember Louise telling me that a lot of wisdom resides in the body, so I decide to simply trust that and let go. Sure enough, one pose leads to the next, and before I know it I'm free-styling my way through my own personal asana choreography.

It is also my first time practicing to Hip-Hop and R&B. I have never done Warrior II listening to On To The Next One or balanced in Dancer's pose to the sounds of Hard, but to tell you the truth, it worked. The sequence I designed on the spot was surprisingly cohesive and well-rounded. It felt right. Headstand, Camel, Bridge, Triangle, my body led the way and I willingly followed. Coming out of my last spinal twists to the haunting strings and piano keys of Dreamworld, I roll back into Savasana and drift away into the ethers.

Day 72

Style: Hatha
Teacher: Shantidas
Studio: Sivananda Vedanta Montreal

I miss Ashram life. Hanging around on this cold, dreary gray day in Montreal, I lazily contemplated where I should do my practice. In the middle of the decision making, I felt my mind drift off into a daydream, imagining my time spent at the Sivananda Ashram. Life was so simple, so peaceful. I wish I was back there. It was then I remembered that the original Sivananda yoga center was first created in Montreal. In 1959, under the instruction of Swami Sivananda, Swami Vishnu-devananda traveled to North America to spread the word of yoga. It was decided that the population in the west was finally ready for the teachings. Vishnu-devananda eventually settled in Montreal and opened the center on St. Laurent street. After a while, he noticed that the Montrealers frequently traveled to the Laurentians for vacation, and soon after he ventured out into the mountains himself. It was there he created the first Sivananda Ashram, the very place I spent the weekend a month ago. Since then, Sivananda has gone international, with Ashrams and yoga centers all over the world. The very first center still stands as it did way back in 1959, and today I decided to check it out.

Walking in through through the front the door, I'm immediately hit in the heart chakra by a warm nostalgia. The same fragrances of incense linger in the air, the same photos of the two founding Swamis hang on the walls. I even ran into a Chilean yogi I met there who was calling the Ashram home at the time. The class began with the various breathing techniques and I felt that familiar peace of mind penetrating my being. Moving into the postures, listening to the instruction, I became aware of the historic significance of the place. This was where it all began. From here, Vishnu-devananda traveled the globe, spreading the teachings of yoga, embarking on a life-altering adventure that would not only change his life, but the entire world as well.

After the timeless experience I've come to the decision that, as soon as the snow finally melts and the Sun starts to warm up the planet, I'm going back to the Ashram. I can't wait.

Day 71

Style: Moksha
Teacher: Anna Smutny
Studio: Moksha Yoga Montreal

Out of town yoga is a pricey affair. Arriving safely in Montreal late last night, Meredith tells me about the Moksha community class at 8:45 in the morning, costing only $5.00. After a teasingly brief four-hour sleep, the digital explosion from the alarm clock rattles our world and we're up, gathering the usual hot-room paraphernalia. As the class begins and I enter the first downward dog of the day, I feel my awareness crystallizing and the fatigue evaporates into a mist. Anna, our teacher, is well-spoken, soothingly guiding the full studio through the flowing, dynamic choreography. The theme of the class is the transition from Winter to Spring, and I can feel the remainder of my internal snow and frost melting, making way for the budding of new experience. The class flows on and before I know it I'm in a hot shower, then dressed and back outside, having a much-needed breakfast in a nearby cafe. After our meal, ending with a pile of fresh fruit, I'm back in Meredith's apartment crash-landing into bed, exhausted. I begin to shut down my internal operating systems and let go of my neurology, allowing my brain to take over on auto-pilot. Drifting into myself once again, my heavy eyelids fused shut, I jump out of linear reality and plunge into the depths of a vast, abstract and endless continuum.

Day 70

Style: Teacher Training
Teachers: Mark Laham, Louise Sattler, Todd Lavictoire
Studio: Greco

I’m in my car on the highway under the stars, distancing myself from Ottawa as Montreal rises in the eastern horizon. Sipping mint tea, I find my consciousness drifting into reflection as I make my way through the last eight hours in reverse order. The day ended with an open discussion on the sūtras of Patañjali. Different students had different translations of the sūtras with commentary from various perspectives. The author of my copy comes from the Buddhist tradition. There were also translations from a Christian perspective, another author from a Hindu point of view, and so on. As the discussion progressed, we drew comparisons from the different schools of thought. We seemed to gain an even deeper clarity on the ancient writings. By the end of our conversations I felt a growing satisfaction along with a humble realization. When a plethora of uniquely different minds come at any given subject from a variety of angles, the potential for a much greater, more encompassing understanding manifests itself. The more one closes off new perspectives, the more one misses the point altogether.

Our group discussion had begun with a sparkling energy after a long, drawn out day, largely due to the yoga practice that preceded it. The posture-refining sequence was focused solely on balancing poses. We practiced leg balancing, arm balancing, and a host of other grueling asanas. My saving grace throughout was my Drishti, my focused attention or gaze. When the eyes remain locked on a precise target unflinchingly, the mind gains a calm stillness and new-found balance takes over the physical body. Again, today I felt my progress taking leaps and bounds, continuing its fascinating evolution.

Immediately before the posture work was a long, intriguing discussion led by Todd. He presented concepts that were brand new to me, and I felt the information absorbing itself into my psyche. He touched on Freud’s pleasure principal, Viktor Frankl’s will to meaning, Nietzsche’s will to power, and Frawley’s insights on prana. We returned briefly to the Doshas; Pitta, Kapha and Vata. Finally we explored the five Vayus; Apana, Samana, Prana, Udana and Vyana. Before lunch, Todd led us through the first asana sequence of the day, returning to more back-bending, mirroring the work of the previous day. By the end I felt like I was standing taller than I ever have, with a greater range of motion than I’ve ever experienced, and I felt waves of grateful appreciation wash over me, thanking the Universe for the health I’ve been bestowed with.

With my eyes locked on the hypnotic highway as I continue to drive under the moonlight, my mind has time-traveled hour-by-hour through the day, arriving back where it all began. The morning started with Mark handing us papers to fill out. As I received mine, my gaze drifted across the pages. The title read Intention – Attention – Action, followed by the instruction to “think about something I’ve wanted to achieve for a while, possibly a long-term dream or intention.” At first I stared blinkingly, at a loss for words. The initial writers-block held my hand frozen in mid-air, but as my pen hit the paper it seemed to take on a life of its own, scribbling itself nearly illegibly across the pages. I’ve had various long-term dreams and intentions over the course of my life, most having vanished, unfulfilled. There is one that has been around for longer than the rest, one that has remained with me to this day. Its utter simplicity makes it surprisingly difficult to put into words. I want to live a substantial, sustainable, natural and healthy life in perpetual balance with nature and the environment. I want to organize my priorities, living for what matters, for friends, family, happiness. I want to make a difference, to have a significant and meaningful impact on the world. I want to be a revolutionary, a visionary, to awaken my consciousness and help others to wake up.

The next step on the page was to determine a “good story”, i.e. an excuse that I’ve allowed myself to believe for not achieving this intention, to find the limiting belief I’ve clung to. Again my pen automatically and furiously hits the page in a blur. I’ve told myself that society is ignorant, fast-asleep and uninterested in waking up. We’re satisfied and we don’t want to change. People have already made up their minds, locked them and thrown away the keys. People in positions of supreme power manipulate the world and lie to our faces, patiently implementing a never-ending array of population-control brainwashing techniques. We’re too far gone and the damage is irreversible. I pause to take in a breath, then dive back in, allowing myself to get more personal. I don’t have the strength inside me to make a significant difference. My voice will never be heard. I’m utterly powerless and I will never amount to anything. Wow. All this, and I’m only getting started.

The questions continue and I try to keep up with them. Where did this belief come from? How has it limited my life in the past? How will this belief limit me five to ten years into my future? What will I lose as a result? Maybe it came from so-called “evidence” in the world around me, our history, our constant ignorance and inability to love each other, from my parents and my perception of their own inabilities and limitations, from the bloodstained conscience of Mankind. In effect, maybe I’ve been frozen, lacking the ability to leap, locked in place by outside opinion. This belief has kept me following orders, standing obediently in line, compliantly living for others. Perhaps I’ve listened to outside authority at every angle, ignoring my own inner guidance. I’ve been influenced to keep my mouth shut and nod in agreement, and all of this has been self-imposed. Five or ten years down the road I’ll be stuck doing what I’m told, wasting away for a paycheque. Never living authentically, I’ll be a carbon-copy of the “acceptable” human being. I’ll lose my inspiration, my lust for life, my passion, my originality, my own unique nature. In short, I’ll lose my soul. I will fake my way through everything, ending up a mind-controlled liar, a dry, depressed shell of a man. In the end I’ll be a broken conformist like everyone else, and then I’ll die. Again, wow. Where is this coming from?

Next I’m asked why I must absolutely change this belief now. That’s simple. I need to change this belief so I can live a life worth living. Because I care. I want to live every day at my maximum potential. Finally, the last question. How. How can I change this limiting belief? We’re asked to write an all-encompassing statement, an anchor, an over-riding mantra to instill and solidify deep within our consciousness. Great. Now how the hell am I supposed to do that? Nothing is coming to mind. My pen has come to a screeching halt, abandoning me at the very end. I close my eyes, draw in a deep breath and hold it, then feel my hand scribble down one last short sentence. I let out my exhale and slowly open my eyes. I stare back at the words on the page.
I am an ascended master.
What..? What is that supposed to mean? I feel my brow get furrowed as I look back at the paper. Is that egotistical? Tyrannical? Is it madness? Insanity? Am I just another lost kid with a Messiah-complex? I shut my binder and try to forget it happened, and soon after I disappear into the rest of the day’s activities.

Now, reflecting back on it, alone on the highway in the solitary, silent confines of my car, it starts to make more sense to me. I don’t know if it’s a message from my higher self, or just from me in the here and now. Regardless, I’m starting to understand. Maybe I already am everything I’m striving to become. Maybe I can live authentically under any circumstance. I’m already there and now I choose to live it. The Universe will cater to me, unfolding around me with precision and positive energy. I’m untouchable, powerful and infinite. I reside beyond all time and space. I Am.

Day 69

Style: Teacher Training
Teachers: Mark Laham, Louise Sattler, Todd Lavictoire
Studio: Greco

Where do I begin? The third day of teacher training was so filled with a wealth of information, I could write ten blog posts on today alone. The first half of the day was spent breaking down and examining the power and effect of emotions. We discussed the way that neuropeptides in the brain communicate information between molecules. When different emotions are felt in the body, different chemicals are released in the brain, whether it be happiness or sadness, depression or joy. Like a drug addict, these receptors get hooked on these emotions and begin to crave a fix. If you constantly think depressive or pessimistic thoughts, feelings you may not consciously enjoy, your brain is giving the cells the chemicals they desire. The more practiced you are in those lines of thought, the more your brain desires those biochemicals. People, once out of balance, have a tendency to focus on things that bring them and keep them more out of balance. The trick is to consciously choose your thoughts with awareness, altering the craving of the various neurones and changing their preferences. Over time you can train your brain to thirst for positive emotion.

Further on in the presentation we touched on the teachings of Abraham-Hicks. We studied their concept of letting go, releasing the oars of resistance and choosing the thoughts that allow you to effortlessly travel downstream as opposed to constantly struggling upstream, fighting the continually flowing current of life. They speak on the concept of vibration, that thoughts create, and the effect of throwing your power on external circumstances. The wisdom in their teachings echoes that which is taught in ancient texts and scripts, brought with new understanding and a modern perspective. I could write a few pages on these concepts alone. After a long and fascinating look at the brain and its various functions, Todd takes over for a yoga practice. Today the focus was on back-bends, working the spine in many different ways. I made a leap in progress with my handstand. Todd made some interesting points - it isn't the strength that stops me from being in a handstand, it's in my mind. I have to get used to functioning with the world upside down. Back-bends are known to release emotion, and there were a few moments when I felt flashes of panic overtaking me. When I found myself in these situations, I locked my consciousness onto my breath, deepening and fully releasing, and the feeling quickly dissipated.

After lunch Louise took over the teachings, introducing Dr. Caroline Myss. Her work is incredibly interesting, forming an intelligent bridge between Western and Eastern medicine. We have seven energy centres which coincide with our seven endocrine glands. We studied the human anatomy in relation with the Chakra systems. We then proceeded to study our own anatomy, measuring various asymmetries in our skeletal structures and alignment. We studied the spine, the curvature of the cervical, thoracic and lumbar spine, the fused vertebrae of the sacrum and coccyx. I'm finding the study of anatomy is allowing me to visualize yoga postures in completely new ways. To end the day, Louise brought the class through a thirty minute sonic-meditation designed by Dr. Myss, explaining where to place our internal focus at various points. As we deepen into oblivion I slowly sink into myself, my consciousness lets go and I disappear into an endless infinity, evaporating and loosing all concept of time and space.

Day 68

Style: Yin
Teacher: Mark Laham (DVD)
Studio: Home Practice

The Yoga Sūtras of Patañjali. Tomorrow is the next round of my teacher training, and I realized I've been slacking on my homework. We were instructed to practice meditation, which I've been making a point of doing, and read book 2 of the Yoga sūtras, which I have yet to do. In the early Friday afternoon I make my way to Singing Pebbles and pick up a few books from the reading list. Opening the first page of Patañjali's Yoga Sūtra, I realize there is something familiar about it. Then it dawns on me: I've read these before! During the first challenge I read a book by the modern-day mystic Osho called Yoga: The Science of the Soul, in which he explains the different sūtras one by one. There are many books about Patañjali's sūtras. Written nearly two millennia ago, the sūtras themselves are always the same - it's the commentary that changes. Osho referred to Patañjali as an early "scientist of the soul", sharing his insights on the writings and breaking down the meaning behind the words. The book I just picked up is written by Chip Hartranft, and as I make my way through the introduction and into the first chapter, I'm greeted with fresh language that is engaging and easy to read. The ancient sūtras themselves are a collection of 196 compact observations on the nature of consciousness and liberation, and are considered to be the foundation of yoga itself. The deeper I delve into the world of yoga, the more I fall in love with it. The writings of Patañjali are the absolute perfect place to begin the study of yoga, and I'm drawn in as I turn page after page, sitting in my living room by the fire as the logs crackle and burn, providing rustic background music. In the poetic words of B.K.S Iyengar,
"Patañjali fills each sūtra with his experiential intelligence, stretching it like a thread, and weaving it into a garland of pearls of wisdom to flavour and savour by those who love and live in yoga"

Day 67

Style: Hot
Teacher: Michael Dynie
Studio: Ottawa Yoga

Pulling up in front of Rama Lotus under the beautiful, blazing sunshine, I take in a deep, euphoric breath and step out of my car. I proceed to take three steps, and suddenly I feel a rusty blade tear through my chest, ripping a ragged gash across my heart. I locked my keys in my car. They're still in the ignition. My car is still running.

I feel my blood come to a boil, then it begins to curdle. Every inch of my being tenses up in frustration and rage. As I listen to the engine of my car purr mockingly at me, my inner dialogue mutates into a never-ending string of profanity. Every curse word I've ever heard, including a few I invented come raging through, spewing out black exhaust deep inside me. My teeth are clenched to the point where my jaw is coming dangerously close to snapping. My fists are balled up and my knuckles are bone-white. I'm tempted to grab a two-by-four from the construction yard across the street and smash in my windows, maybe just let loose on my car altogether until it looks like a crushed tin can. Fury spins me around in circles at a dizzying pace. I want to wage war on the entire world. All the while streams of relaxed yogis flow gracefully one by one into the studio while I stand outside watching, hating them all. Oh and my cellphone is in the car. Great.

As some more time passes I abandon my God-forsaken car and walk up the street, looking for a payphone. Halfway around the block I find a phone booth and feed it a few quarters. How the hell did I do this. I call my buddy Jakob, and fifteen minutes later he meets me with a coat hanger and a fork. Um... okay... whatever works! Luckily, my car is ridiculously easy to break into and a few tense minutes later we're in. By now Ichih's Yin class is well underway, and I'm on my way back home, having accomplished nothing, other then sending my blood pressure skyrocketing out of control. Yin is definitely not going to cut it today. I need to burn this self-inflicted turmoil away with something more powerful. In the meantime, I start to realize how absurd my reaction was. I completely plunged into the deep-end, absolutely obliterating my progress and taking ten steps back. I close my eyes, sinking into a meditation, practicing a few pranayama breathing techniques. Soon order is slowly returned to my internal government, all arguing and hatred slowly subsiding and fizzling out. The frustration I endured felt like an internal chemical toxic-waste spill, contaminating my whole nervous system. I'm taken aback at how easy it was to lose control, how fast I went from bliss to a near-murderous rampage. Like a reflex, a knee-jerk reaction I threw everything I've worked so hard for out the window. At the very least it's a lesson, one I've been tested on and failed over and over again. I think I'm slowly getting the point though. I can't let outside circumstances regulate the balance of my internal climate. I need to maintain composure at all costs. The bottom line is, things could get a lot more intense then being locked out of my car, and I need to be prepared to keep calm. I'm learning, I'm paying attention. I'll figure it out eventually. I got this.

Day 66

Style: Somayog
Teacher: Richard Hudspith
Style: Rama Lotus

I haven't been sore the day after a yoga class for a long, long time. Today however my body feels more like the morning after a two-six and an ass-kicking. Sitting hurts, crouching hurts, walking hurts... as a matter of fact, anything I do with my body is painful today. Yesterday's Yang side of things really wrung me out. In all sadistic honesty I love the feeling. It's my body letting me know I traveled to new territory, working out the kinks in brand new ways. Or at least that's what I've been trying to convince myself all day at work, begging my beat-up body to follow my commands.

Looking over the schedule at Rama Lotus, I realize with delight that the planets must be precisely aligned, parting the seas and customizing a perfect remedy; Somayog. Having only tried the style once as an admitted skeptic, I found the experience to be truly rehabilitating. Tonight turns out to be no different. Somayog is all about developing sensory motor awareness. The movements are incredibly subtle and delicate, focusing heavily on posture refinement and body alignment. As we move through the sequence under the dim lights of the Crystal room, I feel myself coming back together and gelling. The timing couldn't have been more fortunate. Walking outside into the balmy night air sipping coconut water, I can't believe I'm actually operating the same body I was in two hours ago. I feel brand new. All the tension that had cemented itself throughout the course of the day has completely disappeared and dissipated. I'm back.

Day 65

Style: Yin/Yang
Teacher: Guy Tardif
Studio: Rama Lotus

Waking up this morning, I had to check the calender to make sure that I hadn't slept through two months. No, it's still March. The world outside says otherwise, looking like a gorgeous sunny day in mid-May. I realize yoga is all about detachment, but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm completely attached to this warm weather. Please don't go.

Out under the baby-blue skies, listening to the birds chirping with delight, I'm sharing in their enthusiasm and basking in the beauty of the world around me. With all my windows rolled down, my speakers turned all the way up, I'm on my way to Rama Lotus for a two-hour Yin/Yang extravaganza. There is a freedom inherent in the Yin/Yang style and today turns out to be a very unique version. We pulse and throb in and out of every pose, fluidly deepening the postures in a way that is new for me. The sequence starts out very Yang and breaks down nicely, degenerating into the healing Yin positions. All the while the Sun is beaming in through the windows, splashing across me and my mat. Sunshine is such an incredibly rejuvenating, life-providing phenomena and I feel like a photosynthesizing plant, absorbing the nutrients and vitality. By the end my spirits are taller then the Himalayas, towering at such great heights and showing no sign of landing any time soon.

Day 64

Style: Yin
Teacher: Mark Laham
Studio: Rama Lotus

After a long day I'm feeling physically, mentally and emotionally drained. The Sun has set in the horizon and the stars are starting to pierce through the dark quilt of night one by one. I'm on the road heading toward Rama Lotus for some friendly reconfiguration. As soon as I find myself a piece of floor in the Earth room and settle in, the class is off to a start. Tonight we'll be focusing intensively on hips. After only a few seconds into the first pose I realize I have quite the challenge laid out before me. My body is tight and stiff, responding sluggishly like it's been in a deep freeze for a few hours. Tonight more than ever before I am aware of the emotional storage capabilities inherent in my connective tissues, especially in my hips. After a few short emotionally-charged days, I can blatantly see its effect on my body. It's the best example yet, and I find myself mentally scanning and studying my physical makeup in detail, learning just how much energy I harbour inside. I realize that more than anything, I need to be gentle with myself and respect the state I'm in. I take things slow, settling into positions only as far as I am able to, doing my best to hold back comparisons of where I was last week or how much deeper I was able to take the poses in the past. By the end of the class I feel a freeing sense of lightness, understanding more and more how much truth there is in the concept of Yoga as medicine. No prescriptions necessary.

Day 63

Style: Ashtanga
Teacher: Sharath Rangaswamy (DVD)
Studio: Home Practice

With my trip to Toronto cut short by unfortunate circumstances, I'm onboard a small propeller plane with Annie, closing the gap between me and my hometown. One thing about life is that it is absolutely unpredictable. Everything can change drastically from one moment to the next, turning upside down and inside out. Things happen fast. The Earth spins 1,038 miles per hour, moving around the Sun at about 67,000 miles per hour. Time passes at an unfathomably fast rate, disappearing in a blur. It's not something you can pin down and plan around. Reality is liquid, flowing where it may, changing direction on a dime without notice. The only choice we have is to enjoy it while we have it, to breathe while we have lungs to fill, to laugh whenever we can, to love as fully as possible. Sometimes it's difficult to see and feel appreciation for everything we have, everything we hold dear. Sometimes we forget the magic contained in every one of our moments. Looking through photos of my Grandfathers time spent here, I see a life fully lived. Talking to people who have been touched by his generosity, sense of humor, his willingness to help in any way he could, I'm gaining a valuable insight. I want to make an impact on people's lives like he did, to help in any way I can. I want to embody his strength and carry it with me for the rest of my days. I want to live by his example, to exude his infinite patience, to live as selflessly as he did. I want to take life seriously and make a tangible difference. I want to seize the day like he did, to make my life as extraordinary as his was. I want to care for humanity with every fiber of my being, to show compassion, humility, understanding and forgiveness. I want to live with integrity, passion, joy and hope. If I can maintain even the smallest fraction of the strength and love he had, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can change the world. I love you Papa.

Day 62

Style: Ashtanga
Teacher: Nina Singh Jass
Studio: Yoga Sanctuary

Post-Apocalyptic yoga? Waking up in the early afternoon, my sister Annie and I head out into the rainy streets and make our way over to College and Young for an Ashtanga session at the Yoga Sanctuary. Walking in through the doors of the old building, we make our way up a long winding staircase, spiraling around an old-fashioned elevator shaft enclosed in a black cage. As we reach the top floor, we walk through the door marked "Sanctuary". The studio is a gorgeous and massive room with an antique cabinet against the far wall housing wooden blocks, straps and blankets. Unrolling my mat and settling down on my back, my gaze wanders across the arching twenty-foot ceilings with slightly chipping, peeling paint. Listening to the pouring rain hammering down on the roof, my imagination kicks into high gear. Suddenly I'm vividly envisioning life in a crumbling, broken city after the fall of modern civilization. Moving through the familiar Ashtanga poses, my mind's eye paints images of chaos and destruction and the word sanctuary takes on new meaning. I imagine the outside, war-torn world, full of black helicopters circling overhead, mobs in the streets rioting, looting and pillaging. Massive explosions rumble in the distance like guttural growls, rocking the foundation of the building we're practicing in. I hear screaming, panic, disorder and confusion outside in the torrential downpour as the world stage is set on fire. Coming out of a spinal twist and entering final savasana, I can hear the angry barbarians three floors down, the decrepit survivors of the old world pounding on the barred doors. The thunderous attack on the entrance sends hellish reverberations echoing up the stairwell of the old building. I can hear the hinges starting to give way under the weight and force of a battering-ram and I know it will only be a matter of seconds before they snap and the ravenous mob comes spilling inside. As I focus on my third eye, I hear the doors crash open, followed by the sound of a legion of footsteps clambering and thumping up the stairs like drums in the deep. Soon the invading hoards will be at the doors of the sanctuary, forcing their way in. The bloodthirsty marauders will descend upon us, devouring the peaceful yogis, ripping us limb from limb. The end of the world is upon us, a black eternal night enveloping Mother Earth, ushering humanity back into the dark ages once and for all.

Leaving the studio and walking outside, opening my umbrella to shield myself from the crying sky, the world has not come to an end just yet. The gears are still rotating, the traffic is still flowing. The Sun will still rise again. Making our way up the avenue, Annie drops a bombshell. She has booked me a full body massage nearby, complete with luxurious aroma therapy, hot oils and enchanting Reiki energy work. Entering back into the real world in a blissful stupor, my Apocalyptic fantasies have fallen to the wayside. This planet is still beautiful despite its flaws and misgivings. I haven't given up on us yet.

Day 61

Style: Yin
Teacher: Mark Laham (DVD)
Studio: Home Practice

As my train pulls into Union Station, rain streaking across the windows, I grab my luggage and make my way out into the night. The dismal weather mirrors the grey skies clouding my mind. Listening to car tires splash water onto the sidewalks, my memory drifts through frozen polaroids from my past. This morning my Grandfather passed away. His gentle spirit still lingers around me, and no matter what I do I can't seem to swallow the lump in my throat. I have no words. Only my breath, and I cling to it like a life preserver after the sinking of a ship.

In a world out of balance, where do I fit in? I have no solid answers, no conclusions, nothing. All I have is an inner resolve, an inner constitution that I'm desperately holding on to. I want things to work out for Mankind. I want us to be okay. The blurry image of my life is coming into focus more and more everyday. I'm starting to understand. There is no plan B. I don't know how, but I know what I have to do, what I'm here for. I'm going to stand up, against any odds, all adversity, and live for truth... no matter what the consequence. I pledge my life, my very existence, to our awakening. As cliché as it sounds, I believe in the power of love, I believe in the potential for a new tomorrow, and I'm willing to die for it.

Late in the middle of the night I settle into a reconstructive Yin sequence. The movements are counteracting the four and a half stagnant hours spent on the train, undoing the accumulated stiffness in my joints and muscles. Feeling my chest open as my spine folds backwards over my block in supported fish pose, I feel my heart explode. I have faith in us, in the human race. I know we'll persevere, I know we'll make the right choices. I know it's been a turbulent ride. I know we come from a dark history. But I also know that the human spirit will prevail. We're going to make it through, safe and sound to the other side. I believe in us.

Day 60

Style: Ashtanga
Teacher: Sharath Rangaswamy (DVD)
Studio: Home Practice

"Do your practice and all is coming." Tonight I've decided to expand on my home practice, setting sail with a traditional Ashtanga sequence. Sharath Rangaswamy is the grandson of Sri K. Pattabhi Jois, the founder of the Ashtanga method. He is often described as the most advanced Ashtanga yoga practitioner in the world today, and is now the director of the Ashtanga Yoga Research Institute in Mysore, India.

Sliding the disc into my laptop I'm transported into a quaint, minimalist room, listening to Sharath start things off with the traditional Ashtanga opening chant. This is designed to honor the wisdom of the teachers who have passed down the ancient yoga traditions, helping to mark a division between your everyday activities and the personal voyage you are about to embark on. I'm at home in my dimly lit room, settling back into my own world. The atmosphere is beginning to take on a life of its own, leaving me with the impression of studying in a remote Indian temple, practicing under the direct guidance of the master himself. The evening is unfolding in a natural extension of last night, moving me in and out of the poses with gently focused attention and the calming flow of the Ujjayi breath. Again I'm noticing the chemistry of my mind find a balance, an equilibrium with the Universe around me. It doesn't take long until that familiar heat begins to build inside me once more.

The sequence is the classic, traditional primary series taught as it would be in Mysore. Sharath uses Sanskrit terminology, calling each pose by its original name, not providing much more instruction beyond that. It's designed for students who are already familiar with the style. Sharath is extremely well-known to Ashtanga yogis for his accomplished personal practice and precise teaching methods.

Before I come to my senses, I'm easing out of final savasana with a calm mind, completely undisturbed. The utter silence is unbelievably nourishing and refreshing, drawing me deeper into a peaceful quiet. I find myself dreamily enjoying the absence of language and verbiage flickering through my consciousness, feeling my muscles soften and relax. The serenity is truthfully difficult to describe. Any words I could use would only serve to create distance between me and the purely natural, visceral experience. Instead of grasping for a collection of nouns, verbs and adjectives strung together with grammar and punctuation, tonight I'm simply going to release and let go, surrendering into the indefinable, inexpressible, ineffable expanse of existence. Tomorrow I'm traveling to Toronto to visit my sister Annie, taking the opportunity to explore yoga in the big city.

Day 59

Style: Ashtanga
Teacher: Michael Dynie
Studio: Rama Lotus

There's nothing like the internal fire built during an Ashtanga sequence. Feeling the inferno raging through my veins, cleansing and detoxifying my blood, I'm basking in the sensation of being fully alive.

Today at Rama Lotus in the Sky room, I'm working on the subtleties of the practice. My drishti, my gaze, is responding to my control with ease. More so then ever before I'm able to hold my focused attention on a single point and leave it there. Little by little, with a small amount of effort applied every day, the progress is tangible. Where our eyes are directed, our attention follows, and our attention is the most important thing we have. It's the source of all our power, the starting point for creation.

Another aspect of Ashtanga I was able to incorporate tonight is the concept of the bandhas. A bandha is an inner lock, or bind. I've often heard instructors speak of them, but I had never been able to cultivate it into my practice until today. The specific lock I was able to integrate is known as the Mūla Bandha, often used in the the Ashtanga practice. The Sanskrit term Mūla denotes "root" or "base", and is engaged at the root of the spine. More precisely, it's at the centre of the pelvic floor called the perineum. By slightly contracting this muscle-tissue, an energetic seal is created that is said to lock prana into the body and prevent it from leaking out at the base of the spine.

As the raging fires within begin to die down and I sink into savasana, I feel the deepest, most blissful relaxation begin to set in. True relaxation has to be earned. Relaxation is not synonymous with laziness. If you are lazy, you have no access to true relaxation. You need to apply yourself. You need to work hard. Giving as much of yourself as you can, giving your strongest efforts and most fiery passion, this is the doorway to the deepest most freeing sense of relaxation. This is what truly makes the yogic experience so worthwhile. It's time to reap those benefits as my head sinks into my pillow, overcome with appreciation as my consciousness withdraws itself from my physical shell.

Day 58

Style: Kundalini
Teacher: Siri Karm Kaur
Studio: Rama Lotus

The first time I went to a Kundalini yoga class I felt like I'd wandered into an alternate dimension. It's every bizarre, wacky yoga stereotype you've ever heard. It's that weird. At least, that's how I felt at the time. Since the last challenge, I have yet to take a Kundalini class. I'd like to say it's because I've been so focused on other methods I haven't had the chance, but when I boil it down I know I've been avoiding it. From my minimal exposure to the style, it strikes me as a yoga in a world of it's own, distinctly different then anything else. However, the more I learn about the world around me, its history and its mysteries, I've come to the realization that nothing is too weird. Truth is often stranger then fiction.

Today marks my third Kundalini class ever, and to be honest I still can't explain it. Today I did my best to arrive with a clear, open mind. The movements are quick, jerky, spastic in nature. The breath work is short, gasping, almost bordering on hyperventilating at times. There is a lot of chanting and singing, sometimes dancing. It's strange. Kundalini devotees often wear flowing white robes and head-wraps.

From what I understand, Kundalini energy resides within everyone, described as pure creative potential, inner knowledge, awareness and evolved consciousness. It is conceptualized as a coiled serpent lying dormant at the base of the spine. Once this energy is awakened it begins to rise up the spinal cord, activating different chakras and bringing with it new insights and understanding, eventually bursting through the top of your head and connecting you with the cosmos. Whoa. I'm actually at a loss for words. It's so fringe, so different... I haven't fully digested it. Not even close. Some preliminary online research unearthed talk of adverse effects from prematurely or suddenly awakened Kundalini energy, described as a "spiritual emergency". I'll admit it, I'm bewildered. I think to truly form an opinion on the style I need more exposure to it. Over the next few weeks it's my intention to mix in a few more sessions while at the same time researching deeper into its history. The best I can do for now is leave you with words from the closing song that have been stuck in my head on repeat since I left the studio. May the long time Sun shine upon you, all love surround you, and the pure light within you, guide your way on. Word.

Day 57

Style: Yin
Teacher: Abe Cartland
Studio: Rama Lotus

Somehow sleeping through my alarm, I lazily awaken to the realization that I've slept through half a day of school. Before I'm even fully awake, I'm dashing around like a psychopath tripping over myself, trying to gather my things and get dressed and eat something and study simultaneously. And then suddenly I'm aware. What am I doing? Dropping all my things to the ground, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Chill. It's not the end of the world. As I feel my heartbeat and temperature slowly returning to normal, I decide that I'm not in such a rush after all. The planet is still gently rotating through Space, the birds are chirping, the Sun shining and the snow melting. It's all good. Instead of burning rubber out into the jungle of concrete and machinery, I take the moment to go into a meditation. Closing my eyes and crossing my legs, I fill my lungs with oxygen, then slowly release it. I begin to quiet my mind, letting the thoughts slow their frantic pace. Focusing my attention on my breath, I spend the next fifteen minutes undoing all the stress that had bombarded and besieged my psyche moments ago. When I open my eyes, I'm grounded and clear-minded. Let's try this again.

Later in the day I'm at Rama Lotus, decompressing further in a Yin class. All of a sudden I'm reminded of words from Mark over the weekend. He recommended that we do a little less yoga in the week after the teacher training, instead taking the opportunity to rest. He also recommended doing more at home then in a studio. While there are strong benefits to be gained from the studio experience, your awareness is still focused on the external world around you. Practicing alone at home is powerfully conducive to personalized introspection. Overall however, he also said that the overriding authority should be your own body, stressing the importance of self-study and understanding. The fact is, I've started the ninety day challenge and there is no turning back whatsoever. It's definitely the Pitta aspects of my personality that are encouraging me to continue at all costs. I'm a stubborn child who wont take no for an answer. Finding somewhat of a compromise, I've decided to concentrate on relaxing, rejuvenating styles of yoga for this week.

Day 56

Style: Teacher Training
Teachers: Mark Laham, Louise Sattler, Todd Lavictoire
Studio: Greco

At home with a warm, weary buzz from sixteen hours of yoga exploration, I'm at ease. The weekend disappeared in a flash. Today was an extension of yesterday, its next natural progression. The three instructors delved deeper into the initial subjects, expanding on ideas and refining concepts. I'm starting to get to know my fellow yogis-in-training. In a vibrationally based Universe we magnetically attract our own experiences and circumstances, along with the people and places we come in contact with. Everyone here is open-minded, expressive and friendly. The atmosphere is comfortable and casual, everyone displaying an interest to learn and a willingness to share. The study of yoga has been stringing together various schools of thought I've been personally discovering over the years, providing a missing link that is beginning to encapsulate everything I've come to understand.

Though I could embark on an endless tangent about the modern schooling and education systems, there is nothing I love more than pure learning. Having three entirely different teachers, each with their own unique approach, I'm able to absorb alternate viewpoints and study from different angles. Each uses different terminology, fortunately allowing me to take in different perspectives of the same subjects. Mark led a presentation touching on, among other things, the concept of power vs force, based on a book of the same name by David Hawkins. It spoke of the ability to read energy impulses of the body to communicate directly with the subconscious. I know, far out. Dr. Hawkins theory describes the progression from negative energy fields to the positive, leading ultimately to pure consciousness. Based on over twenty years of research, he developed a Map of Consciousness that essentially charts one's spiritual growth. Later, Louise led the group through a long Yin/Yang sequence, providing relief in the twisting and stretching, removing all tension accumulated from the hours of sitting and listening. At one point in a balancing sequence, she asked us to imagine a time in our past where we felt balanced, powerful, grounded and alive, self-assured and capable. As I shuffled through a few sacred memories, I realized my balance was securing and stabilizing, my foot growing roots through the floor toward the center of the Earth. Later in the afternoon, Todd expanded on Ayurveda and the concepts of the Doshas. At the end of the day, after a few hours of detailed posture refinement, he led us through the chanting of the Gayatri Mantra. This mantra is highly revered, based on a verse from a hymn of the Rigveda, an ancient collection of Vedic Sanskrit hymns. It's known as the "mother of the Vedas", and it's one of the oldest texts of any Indo-European language in existence. Luckily I recently spent a weekend at an Ashram, so I'm ready for karaoke night. There is something so foriegn and exotic about chanting a mantra, but also something appealingly comforting. After another long eight hours, I'm ready to wrap up the weekend with deep, rejuvenating sleep, entering the new week completely calibrated and fine-tuned.

Day 55

Style: Teacher Training
Teachers: Mark Laham, Louise Sattler, Todd Lavictoire
Studio: Greco

I'm going to be a yoga teacher. Someday. But today, that journey has officially begun. Over the next ten weeks, every second weekend I'll be making my way through the first eighty-hour segment of Mark, Louise and Todd's teacher training program. Instantly, I feel like I'm in the right place. The first day unfolded naturally, starting with some ice-breakers and introductions. The first day of school always comes with a funny feeling. Surrounded by intriguing strangers not knowing what to expect, I'm back in the 3rd grade, the new kid in elementary school. The three teachers take turns introducing themselves and describing the overall structure of the course.

Before I know it, eight hours seem to vanish, and I'm back outside starting my car. My head is still spinning. We went more in-depth then I've been so far, breaking down different aspects and dissecting the Universe of yoga, bit by bit. Even then we only scratched the surface of what's to come. We touched on some things that were familiar to me, some that were brand new. We began the study of Ayurveda, the sister science of yoga. Described as the path to self-healing and self-actualization, Ayurveda provides the insight for each individual to create a way of life in harmony with the world of nature and our higher self. Both yoga and Ayurveda are part of one system of Vedic knowledge, a philosophy which states that the Universe is One Self, and that the key to cosmic knowledge lies within our own hearts and minds. Did I just go over your heads? Bear with me. It's a new world with new terrain, and I've only just set-off on my travels.

The day continued on, full of fascinating information. We studied different vocabulary terms, some in English and some in Sanskrit. We touched on the concept of the three Doshas, Vatta, Pitta and Kapha. We talked about anatomy, scientists, mystics, reality, illusion, consciousness, the mind-body connection, time and space. You know, the simple stuff. We talked about the conscious and subconscious minds. The ego. We talked about meditation, contemplation, focused attention. We laughed, discussed, even meditated. In our last exercise of the evening, we unrolled construction-paper over our yoga mats, then dipped our feet and hands in multi-colored paint. With dripping, slippery, painted feet, we did various standing poses, leaving colorful prints on the paper. Then we studied the markings in detail, noting imperfections, pressure points and other different observations and insights into the foundation of the poses.

After the 8 hour whirlwind I crash-land in bed, storing some energy for round two. I feel like I'm in my element. I'm a sponge, and I'm going to soak up everything I can.

Day 54

Style: Power
Teacher: Bryan Kest (DVD)
Studio: Home Practice

So today was round two on the raw food circuit. With a new, longer, more incomprehensible list of ingredients I roam through the most granola-supplement-armpit-hair areas of the city. After spending way too much money on organic this and raw that, I'm back home with my cookbook. Bustling back and fourth in my kitchen like a mad scientist frantically and diabolically mixing ingredients, eventually I have a few creations. First: Miso soup. I take my first sip... and I feel like my sidewalk must feel on a winter afternoon with layers of salt dissolving through the snow. One unfamiliar ingredient called Namo Shoyu was more or less impossible to find. After trying four of the most hardcore health food stores and coming up empty handed, I am informed by an eavesdropping customer that the last person in here looking for that product took this as an alternative. Well that helpful hint sabotaged my masterpiece.

That same deadly sodium error translated over to the raw Pad Thai main course, utterly manhandling and subduing the rest of the subtle, delicate flavours. Finally, the black olive pesto. During preparation, the recipe called for two cups of basil. Back home, unpacking the groceries, I realize I only have one cup worth, and it's the wrong kind. Its Thai basil, with its own completely distinct flavour. To make up for lost herb, mint and spinach are added. This could be a disaster. Dipping a toasted crostini into the Kalamata pesto, I take a bite. And chew. And swallow. It's delicious. After hungrily devouring as much as I can, I'm back in my sanctuary working through another choreography. Late into the night, writing this blog entry under dim lights in a sleeping house, I'm absolutely starving, taking guilty solace in a bag of chips. A raw diet is a complicated affair. I have a massive appetite, so one false move in the raw food world, and I'll starve to death.

Day 53

Style: Power
Teacher: Mark Laham (DVD)
Studio: Home Practice

The first day of the rest of your life. Armed with a gift-certificate from Christmas I'm at Singing Pebbles, my friendly neighbourhood bookstore. Glancing over the selection, I feel drawn to one title in particular. It's a cookbook full of recipes called "Everyday Raw". Without getting too specific, basically there's vegetarian, there's vegan, and then there's the raw diet. Despite initially coming across as intimidating and potentially complicated, I bought the book anyway. After heading to a few health food stores to gather some unpronouncable ingedients, I'm back home in the kitchen. Studying my strange new book, I spend the rest of the afternoon making a jicama salad, almond milk, and the best smoothie I've ever had in my entire life.

Raw foodism is a lifestyle promoting the consumption of uncooked, unprocessed, and often organic foods as a large percentage of the diet. Cooking food is believed to destroy enzymes that assist in digestion and absorption, and is thought to diminish the nutritional value and "life force" naturally inherent in food. While it's heartbreaking to think I would be excluded from experiencing some exotic and delicious dishes, overall I can't help being aware of the importance of choosing what I consume as wisely as possible. I'm not in a rush to enlist with any particular school of thought. I'm still learning and experimenting, but admittedly I'm feeling absolutely amazing after all the energizing, healthy food. Before I know it I'm in my room working through a home Power sequence, and not long after that I'm melting into my bed, slowly dissolving.

Day 52

Style: Hot Flow
Teacher: Ian Fraser
Studio: Rama Lotus

A quarter of a century old. Today is my birthday. I guess that means it's my twenty-fifth lap around the Sun. It feels like it's been absurdly brief but also incalculably long. I've seen twenty-five first days of Spring, twenty-five Christmas Eves. I have a collection of misplaced abstract memories, echoes of people and places, disorganized fragments of storyline and context. The passage of time is perplexing. In fact, I've always found the concept of time to be alien, hard to relate to. It's a strange thing. You remain inherently the same inside, but outside you age and decompose and fall apart. You're an hourglass with descending sand. Or are you?

Turning twenty-five while simultaneously having a sick grandfather close to the end of his journey, I'm finding myself in a very reflective state. The fragility and brevity of individual human lives are remarkable. Someday I too will be in my last few moments, within reach of my last breath, looking back over my accumulated time. It'll be a day just like today. It's hard to make sense of things. Maybe you can't, maybe you can. For tonight, I'll let it be. No need for existential melodrama to ruin the evening. Here I am, breathing. I don't really need anything else. Time does stand still once in a while, and I'm going to soak up the moment. If it all ended tomorrow I'd die thoroughly satisfied.

Walking in through my front door after dinner and drinks at Play, fifteen close friends jump out of the woodwork, initiating an impromptu surprise party. I'm being told I no longer work at 6 am tomorrow morning. Apparently they've called my boss and arranged a day off. The unexpected spontaneity of the situation throws my world momentarily off-kilter, but soon I've adjusted to the situation and relaxed into my new reality. Before I float off into the joy and comfort of good friends, moments that are about to become part of my amalgamated past, I'm reminded of words spoken by a wise young man, and I understand. Happiness is real when shared.

Day 51

Style: Hatha Intermediate
Teacher: Roxanne Joly
Studio: Upward Dog

I'm in the mood for something new. For a while now I've had my eye on Upward Dog, a Yoga centre in the heart of the market, and today after work I decided to try it out. It's a beautiful place, with at least three separate studios. The one I was in had tall ceilings and cork floors, with an inviting, calming ambiance. Our instructor tonight also happens to be the founder and director of the centre, leading the class through a challenging and specific sequence, floating through the room expertly applying posture modifications. I'm finding it easier to hold my gaze, or drishti. Even with the interfering calamity of renegade thoughts, my eyes are starting to respond to my control, remaining relaxed but firm, unflinchingly fixed on a set target. It seems like a simple task, focusing your line of sight and holding it there. Try it. It's always been a battle for me. With every interfering thought I would notice my gaze drift slightly, trailing off-course, unable to maintain its position. After a blink or two, thousands of thoughts have snap crackle and popped through my mind's eye, scattering my concentration. Before I know it I'm holding my breath and fighting myself, making the poses harder then they need to be. Nothings perfect, but today I notice that it is getting easier. Little by little, change truly is occurring.

Day 50

Style: Power
Teacher: Bryan Kest (DVD)
Studio: Home Practice

Can't touch this. To complete the Bryan Kest Power yoga series, today I'm putting my New Kids On The Block cassette into my tape player, throwing on a fresh pair of Nike high-tops, and doing the running man over to my yoga mat.

After a long day at school, I figured it was as good a time as any to wrap up the Kest classes. At this point I've grown accustomed to 1995 and my attention doesn't waver as Bryan enthusiastically reminds me to move through the poses with "equanimity" in a southern Californian surfer-yogi accent. It's only the first few moments when I'm watching the screen anyway. As soon as the flow of posture begins, I'm not even looking anymore. I move inwards all over again, listening to the instruction and focusing on the mechanics of the mind and body.