Day 79

Style: Personal Sequence
Teacher: Self
Studio: Home Practice

Just one of those days. Some days I feel powerful, some days I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes I look at the world and witness its sheer beauty, sometimes I can't see past the damage we've done, how badly we've abused our Mother. Today I'm walking the thin line dividing the extremes, precariously balancing. I'm tired. The gears of society continue to rotate, but today I hear them grinding in my brain. It hurts. People wander through their lives caught up in their daily routine so unquestioningly, never looking up. Sometimes I just don't want to play along anymore. I'm on a pilgrimage of which there is no turning back, sometimes the aching in my feet is unbearable. Over the years I've been wounded, I've been healed. In alternating spirals it comes and goes and I try not to let the scar tissue build up. There's something missing in the world outside. A lack of substance, a lack of sustenance, a lack of nutrition. Something doesn't feel quite right and it's hard to put my finger on it. Sometimes I wonder if other people feel it, other times I wonder if I'm on this walk alone. The repetition is deafening and I wonder if I'm the only one who hears it. It's a ringing in my ears that I can't ignore, demanding my attention. False flags are raised and it's all an inside job.

Tonight I was going to practice in a studio but all I want to do is hide and lock the world out. Tonight I'll try to recuperate alone. I'll ask my body what it wants then let it take the lead. I'll do my best to follow. Sometimes the weight is unbearable and fatigue is too much, but it's hard to fall back to sleep after you've started to wake up.


toddtheyogi said...

perhaps i might suggest that you put "Self" next to the teacher.

you are not alone.
& your authenticity is admired.

at times like these, the direction you might need is not obvious, but the tools of the posture practice are at your disposal.

my hope for you during this time is that you use them to assist the direction of your current meditation.

apply the teachings regarding energetics and vayus
- if you want to go deeper inside and then let it go -> forward folds
- if you want more balance the twist (i'd follow it by forward folds for more apana)...
- if you want to come out of it --> increase your prana and udana --> backbends, inversions and extensions :-)

too often in this culture we try to avoid authentic moments of introspection. my message for you is not to avoid what you are going through but to use the posture practice for what you need.

these are often times of great opportunity and growth when properly recognized and not avoided...

much love and light.

Anonymous said...

I believe that with more awareness and understanding there is a greater calling to spread light to this world. It may seem like a more solitary path but I agree with Todd, that we are never alone. It takes courage to be authentic and to live authentically. Your commitment is admirable and the rewards of true inner joy will be yours.


Post a Comment