Day 28

Style: Hatha
Teacher: Tania Fréchette
Studio: Santosha Elgin

I can finally stand on my head. Rushing to a Sunday morning Yin, I arrived fifteen minutes too late. Wandering a few doors down, I began my day in a cafe, killing some time. The next class is Hatha. Whether I'm biased or misguided, Hatha is usually synonymous with boring. Thinking about it now, I'm not sure what has given me that impression. Maybe it's because every style seems to come from some form of Hatha, and I guess it strikes me as "plain" yoga.

I enjoyed Tania's style of teaching at her Power class earlier in the week, so I figured it couldn't be too bad. Compared to yesterdays full-house, today the room is essentially empty; just me, the teacher and two other students. She informed us that week-by-week she has been structuring her classes around the different Chakras. Today would focus on the third Chakra, located at the solar plexus. This Chakra is associated with power, self-esteem and vitality. It's known as our personal power centre, the magnetic core of the personality and ego. The class was engaging, focusing heavily on inversions. Apparently the third Chakra is basically a fireball, a furnace burning inside you. The problem is, negative energy gets trapped in the lower Chakras. Doing different inversions flips that heat upside-down and burns it all away. Today I managed to permanently hold myself in the headstand position.

Walking home in the beautiful early afternoon with that unmistakable after-yoga serenity, I could never have predicted what was about to happen next. Not long after settling in back at home, a storm begins to build. With the skies outside still blue, dark clouds roll over the hillsides of my mind, thunder-claps growling in the distance. Pacing back and forth, a boiling geyser erupts inside me and I'm overcome with rage and anger. Adrenaline pumping through my system, a current of frustration swallows me into my thoughts. I'm furious with the entire human race. Why is history nothing but a long treacherous tyrannical genocide? A string of murderers, enslaving and oppressing. An endless story of betrayal and tragedy. It's been a god-damned massacre of freedom and creativity. No one pays attention. The youth watch "reality" television then reenact that same hate in their own daily lives. People are blind sheep staring at their feet and walking over the edge. A human lifetime is eighty-five years, give or take? That's only a heartbeat, a blink of an eye. Can I blame anyone for their ignorance, closing their eyes and trading their lives for the illusion of security, building houses around their families, standing in line, doing what they're told, then dying. No one has time to pay attention.

Molten lava continues to well up from within. Now, everyone I've ever known in my life is in my mind, along with everything I've ever hated about every one of them. I feel nothing but fire and brimstone. I want to fix people. I want to destroy people. I want to fight, disobey, break things, to cause panic and disorder. I want to leave a trail of corpses and caskets in my wake. I want to be a Tyrant myself. I feel raw hate for the cowardice of mankind. I'm disgusted by the human race, and embarrassed to be a part of it. I see Armageddon coming and I know we deserve it.

As the storm passes I'm left numb and silent. I'm shocked at my own intensity, taken aback by my own aggression and violence. It only clicks now - I really did stoke the fire in my Solar Chakra. I laugh to myself, wondering if this is even healthy. Judging by the release and relaxation that is descending on me, the quietude of mind and the absence of tension, this must be part of the process. I'm in the inferno still unscathed. It isn't easy but it's necessary, and I really wonder who I'll be when the dust finally settles.

... does the dust ever settle?


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