Day 32

Style: Hot
Teacher: Amanda
Studio: Santosha Elgin

Tepid Yoga? Having never been to a Hot class at Santosha, I figured this cold bleak night would be a great time to start. Unrolling my mat and sitting down, I start to realize it might be a little more lukewarm then hot. It was then I remembered Ichih explaining to me that their heating panels had been stopped at the border for weeks, but were going to be set up as soon as possible. For the time being heat-fans would be in use. Looking around the room, it looks like only one is working.

I'm feeling naked and exposed standing in the cold darkness, wearing tighter-then-saran-wrap hot room shorts. For a split second I am reminded of those dreams where suddenly you realize you're in public and you're not wearing any pants. Completely exhaling my lungs, then drawing in a deep, full breath, I try to let go of my self-consciousness and insecurity. Every now and again I find myself caught up analyzing and critiquing my body, noticing with disdain various details that don't seem to look exactly like the promoted Hollywood prototype of sexy. Overall I love my body, don't get me wrong. Nevertheless I find myself wrapped up from time to time. If I don't look in the mirror and see a photoshopped Calvin Klein underwear model standing on my mat, something is not right. It's hard to love bodies of all shapes and sizes when only one make and model seems to be of any value. I just want to be wanted like everybody else, to be appreciated and admired. Moving through the practice I slowly let up and let go of the America's Next Top Model casting call mentality. By the end of the class, again I feel a deep gratitude, thankful for a flawlessly functioning physical shell. I'm a perfect version of myself, and I don't need an illusory stereotype to dictate what my configuration should look like.


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